The Ribbon
by Stormbat
Summary: Everything that House had said to Wilson about his patients gets turned around on his head when he finds love in an unexpected place.
1. Chapter 1

He sat down heavily and looked around the room, eyeing up who had turned up for this awful Fourth of July bash. Almost immediately, Wilson sat down next to him and they eyed each other up suspiciously.

"So you came too, huh?" Wilson said, smiling dryly.

House smiled caustically back at him.

Wilson handed him a beer and he took it gratefully.

"God, I hate these things," House said after swallowing half the bottle in one go.

"Then why come?" Wilson asked.

"Because you have to be on parade for all the bigwigs," House replied sarcastically. "Besides, Cuddy threatened to make me work more hours in the clinic if I didn't," he added with a wry grin.

Wilson nodded empathetically with his buddy. "I notice all your team are here enjoying themselves."

House looked at the dance floor and saw Foreman and Chase dancing with that new Assistant who he had tried so hard to ignore since she started. He was sick of her trying to organise him, bullying him into attending meetings, doing his filing and taking his messages, not to mention harassing him to see his patients. Plus she was a Brit, a totally different breed altogether in his books.

He idly watched her for a while, his mind drifting back to when she first started at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Cuddy had totally sprung it on him that a new Assistant was in town. Well, that wasn't strictly true if he was totally honest with himself, he just hadn't bothered to read the memo.

He had been summoned to her office where he was formally introduced to Nicky and he'd disliked her from the start. It was bad enough that he had an Australian on his books, now he had a Brit. Man, it getting more like United Nations around here every day.

He gave her the cold shoulder when she'd offered her hand for him to shake, instead he'd given Cuddy a mouthful. There was no way he wanted an Assistant meddling in his life. He was just fine as he was, thank you very much.

As he watched her, he had to admit that she could move. He took another swig of his beer and glanced at Wilson who was also watching her.

"You fancy her, don't you?" House said.

"Who?"

"That Brit."

"No," Wilson shrugged the idea off with a grimace.

"But?" House pushed.

"You've got to admit, she's good at her job," Wilson said evenly.

"She's a pain in the ass," House replied sulking.

"Why? Just because she gave as good as she got, you couldn't handle it," Wilson replied cockily. "She's good at her job and you know it."

House growled indicating that the conversation was over.

They both watched as she left the dance floor with Chase and Foreman to get a well-earned drink. As she passed, she nodded curtly at them and carried on.

She'd had enough of House and his caustic ways. They'd had yet another run in earlier. She was sick of the way he'd made her feel small, he'd deliberately berated her today by ordering her to fetch his damn prescription just as she'd sat down to take notes on his meeting with his team. By the time she'd got back, the meeting was over and the doctors were running through the door. How was she supposed to keep on top his workload or back him up to Cuddy if he wouldn't allow her to do her job?

He couldn't see that she was there to back _him _up, not Cuddy. Well, he'd have to learn it the hard way that was all.

Although Chase and Foreman had welcomed Nicky with open arms, Cameron was still very aloof around her and she was yet to work out why. Chase and Nicky had empathy for each other, they were both foreigners after all. Foreman had worked out early on that she was their back up when Cuddy put a stop on tests because of expense or if she was in a bad mood with House. Nicky had pleaded their case, professionally and quickly, and the tests had been authorised without any fuss. He could see she was an ally and wasted no time in letting the others know. They had talked at length about how things worked in their department and Nicky realised early on that House's team wouldn't ask for anything unless they really needed it.

"Well I'm not sitting here all night, listening to you bitching about your assistant," Wilson said, getting up, "I'm going to ask her to dance."

Before House could protest, Wilson strode over to Nicky and was soon on the dance floor giving House a knowing look.

When the music slowed, Nicky walked over to House and offered her hand. "Dance with me?" she asked.

"You're joking, right?" House replied his voice heavy with sarcasm.

"On the contrary, it's a slow dance," Nicky countered. "You only need to move a little to get the desired effect."

He looked at Wilson who was trying to suppress a grin. Unable to turn down a challenge he awkwardly got up and hobbled to the dance floor.

Nicky was right, the music was slow enough for him to actually keep his balance with his stick and put his other arm around her, however alien it felt.

They moved slowly, one arm lightly around her waist, the other holding onto his stick. Nicky had put one arm around his shoulders and the other was around his waist, so that should he stumble, she could right him immediately. He had to admit, he felt safe yet also vulnerable. Her fingers were lightly working their magic on his neck, easing his tension, and making him relax, while the other was slowly caressing his spine. He couldn't stand how good it was making him feel any longer, he was supposed to detest this woman, yet she was making him relaxed and calm in a way he hadn't felt in years. Overwhelmed by the way she made him feel, he pushed her away roughly and strode out of the room as fast as his limp would allow.

Nicky stood for a moment watching him then dropped her head, disappointed that she'd wound him up yet again.

Wilson walked over and took over House's vacant position. "Don't worry about it," he said quietly in her ear.

"I can't seem to do anything right in his eyes," Nicky replied.

They danced until the end of the song and left the dance floor to get some more drinks.

"I've got to go," Nicky said suddenly. "I'll see you in the morning."

Before Wilson could protest, she was on her way through the door.

She had a pretty good idea where House lived and was grateful to see a lamplight softly glowing from his living room window. Good, he's in, she thought.

She tapped his door gently and after a moment or two heard the cane hitting the floor rhythmically as he limped over to the door. He couldn't hide the look of surprise on his face as he opened it to her.

"We didn't finish the dance," Nicky said quietly as she walked in, closing the door softly behind her. She smiled as she noticed that the same song was playing on his stereo. "Shall we?"

House was stunned, he nodded and took her in his available arm once more and started moving the best that he could. Since there was nobody around but them, they seemed a little more relaxed as they danced closer. Nicky's hand once more gently caressed his spine, her lips touching his neck gently so that he could feel her warm breath tickle his ear. His senses were going into overdrive, his head was telling him no, no, no but his heart was saying go, go, go.

He pulled away slightly so he could look into her eyes, willing her to see the question he was asking. She took him up on his offer and brushed her lips against his and he thought he was going to drown in the sensory overload now rushing through his brain. He closed his eyes as she kissed him once more and he let his mouth explore hers, their tongues making their acquaintances. She felt his arm tighten around her and his stick touching the back of her leg as he pulled her closer.

As soon as the track finished, Nicky pulled away gently and looked deep into his eyes. "Thank you," she said. She turned and headed for the door, turning back to smile at him before closing the door softly behind her.

Confusion wracked House's brain, what the hell was all that about? He popped a couple of Vicodin then sat down at the piano and played the basic melody of the song he'd just danced to, his thoughts drifting back to those blue pools that had bored into his soul.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The beeping of his pager woke him that morning. House had slept fitfully, Nicky had completely thrown him, what was she all about? He got dressed and hurriedly made his way into work. Most of his team were waiting for him in his office, Foreman pacing the floor as usual, Chase was slouched on one of the chairs by the table, he assumed Cameron's absence was due to her being with the emergency that had just come in.

"Okay, people, what have we got?" House said walking over to the coffee percolator.

As Chase quickly explained brought him up to speed, he watched House's facial expressions change as he digested the symptoms thoughtfully.

"Where's the Brit?" House asked suddenly, looking around the room. He was yet to refer to her by her name.

"With Cameron, why?" Chase asked.

"No reason." House quickly reeled off a number of tests he wanted carried out and exited his office to fill his Vicodin script.

An hour later, Cameron and Nicky caught up with House and gave him his new patient's family history. He'd noticed that since Nicky had started taking notes, he could now actually read them. He smiled to himself remembering the old saying about doctors having to take a bad handwriting exam at medical school before they could graduate, and his team must have passed that one with honours.

When he finished, he handed the file back to Nicky, their eyes locking momentarily.

"Thanks," House said.

"What tests have you ordered?" Nicky asked him as he turned away and headed for his office. He loved this game. He would rattle off everything in full and watch the panic on Nicky's face as she tried to scribble everything down, although it wasn't as much fun today. Today he wanted to give her a break.

"Follow me," he said, glancing back at her. "Cameron, go and find Chase and Foreman."

Nicky closed the glass door behind her and sat at the table, pen poised, waiting for House to reel off the tests in quick succession, but before he could, his beeper went off.

"Patient's crashing," he said to her as he got up and hurriedly made his way out of the office and down the corridor.

They didn't catch up with each other for the rest of the day, Nicky finally saw him get into the lift at the end of the day, safe in the knowledge that his team could cope. In her own way, she understood where he was coming from, she'd heard about his leg, how the hospital had screwed up by not diagnosing his aneurysm in time so that it had led to an infarction. He'd tasted near death and was now living each day as it came, no more, no less.

Wilson seemed to appear from nowhere, "Gone for the day, huh?" he said smiling, following her eyes to the elevator door.

"Yep, and I still haven't got a clue what tests he ordered today," Nicky replied. "Or what treatment he gave either," she added.

"Come on, I'll sneak the test results and find out for you," Wilson said, still smiling.

"Great, thanks," Nicky said appreciatively.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

House sat at his piano that evening, not really wanting to play, but his fingers seemed to take on a life of their own as they played the melody from that damn song over and over whilst he pondered on events from the night before.

He couldn't, no, wouldn't let her get under his skin. She was a busybody who interfered in his day to day life. Yet, he knew this wasn't true. When he was deep in thought, a coffee would suddenly appear at his side, sometimes even a sandwich, and he knew it had to be from her. These things didn't happen before she came. His notes were always typed up and he knew that he could put his finger on any one of them and know they were as up to date as they could possibly be. She must work for hours after he'd gone home keeping up with the twists and turns of the cases he'd taken on. He'd tried to make her life as difficult as possible but he knew deep down that his team, and ultimately his patients, were the ones that would suffer if they didn't help her out. No wonder she'd got on so well with them, they knew his assistant better than he did.

He walked through the doors the next morning, determined to give Nicky a chance. His beeper going off took him straight to the ward and he walked towards his team noting their grave faces.

"What's up?"

"We tried, but we just couldn't get his heart going," Foreman said. "We've just lost him."

"Did the test results come back?" House asked, looking from one to the other.

"Yep, but there was too much heart disease, the guy didn't stand a chance. He was too weak for surgery, he started shutting down last night and we couldn't do a thing to reverse it."

They looked at him despondently.

"Okay, people, these things happen," House said quietly, "we can't win them all."

His team followed him back to his office to write up their notes.

"Shouldn't the Brit be doing that?" House said irritably, "After all, that's what she's paid for."

"She's got this morning off," Cameron replied, "you authorised it. I'm sure she'll catch up later."

"Probably when you've gone home," Chase muttered under his breath, but loud enough for House to hear, and the truth of it stung.

At the same time, Nicky was in Wilson's Examination Room. He was reading her notes as she sat on the bed waiting patiently until he looked up.

"So you had a mastectomy two years ago," he said.

Nicky nodded.

"How are you feeling, in your general health I mean?" Wilson said.

"Fine," Nicky replied, "listen, would you prefer it if I transferred to another hospital? I mean, when I moved to New Jersey from Philadelphia, I had to register somewhere. I didn't realise that you were an Oncologist at first. Do you want to pass me on to one of your colleagues instead? Maybe that would be easier."

He picked up on her anxiety and squeezed her shoulder gently. "I'm fine with it, if you are?"

Nicky sighed deeply, he couldn't tell if it was relief or nervousness that was going through her. She nodded and gave a ghost of a smile.

"Why don't you pop off that gown, see what's what," Wilson said reassuringly.

She took a deep breath and slowly slid the gown off, unable to meet his eyes.

"Lift your arm up, please," Wilson said pleasantly as he examined the tissue around the scar and under her arms.

She gave him another ghost of a smile. He'd seen the anxiety in her eyes hundreds of times. Women almost pleading to be given the all clear. He could almost hear her praying that he couldn't feel that lump.

"Do you examine yourself regularly?" Wilson asked, as he checked her other breast.

"Yeah," Nicky replied quietly.

"Yes, I see what you mean," he added, pressing a little harder. "And when did you feel this lump?"

"A couple of days ago, this was the earliest appointment I could get," Nicky replied.

"Okay, follow me and we'll get the mammogram sorted out and we'll be all done for now."

Nicky followed him over to the machine and winced a little as he positioned her breast and clamped the slides down on it.

"Sorry," he said apologetically.

"Don't worry, I'm used to it," Nicky smiled.

"Okay, good," he said, pulling her gown back over her shoulders. "You can get dressed now."

"Thanks, Dr Wilson."

"Why not call me James?"

Her head shot from around the screens. "Are you sure?"

He nodded then waited for her to sit down in front of him, "You're young to have breast cancer, how many of your family have had it?"

"Most of the women," she replied, "so the chances of me getting it were pretty high weren't they?"

Wilson nodded. "I'm sorry."

He looked at his watch. "You're my last patient, why don't I buy you lunch?"

She looked at him hesitantly before agreeing, "Okay, but I've got to get back to work soon."

It was such a warm day that they decided to sit outside and soak up the rays.

"Does anyone else know about the cancer?" Wilson asked when they were comfortably seated.

"Here, you mean?" Nicky asked.

Wilson nodded.

"Only Dr Cuddy, and I asked her to keep it quiet," Nicky replied. "I've had enough of everyone pussy footing around me. I've beaten it and now it's time to move on."

"Well, you can count on me not to say anything too," Wilson smiled reassuringly, he loved patients that had the right attitude.

"Thanks."

Nicky noticed House walking towards them, holding a large drink.

"You two look cosy," House said when he reached them. Without waiting for an invitation, he sat down opposite them, looking from one to the other.

"I'd better go," Nicky said, getting up. "It doesn't do for the boss to see you sitting around doing nothing." She cringed as she said it, but couldn't help herself, he was so obnoxious sometimes. "Thanks for everything, James. See you later, Dr House."

"So it's James, now is it?" House said when Nicky was out of earshot.

Wilson gave him what he hoped was a withering look, but House took no notice.

"I'm wondering if you're not trying to poach her, young Wilson," House went on sarcastically.

When he realised that he wasn't getting anything, House went for the direct approach. "So was it a lunch date that'll lead to dinner and something else?"

"Nope, I'm married, remember?"

"That hasn't stopped you before," House countered.

Wilson didn't dignify it with an answer. "I've got work to do," he said and got up to leave.

"Hang on, I'm coming with you."

"Okay, but this conversation is over, do you hear me?" Wilson warned.

"Loud and clear," House replied, "God, you're so tetchy at times."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

House found Nicky sitting at her desk, typing up notes from his doctors. She looked up when he walked in and gave him his messages. He glanced through them before scrunching them up and throwing them in the bin.

"You can't just ignore them," Nicky said furiously, getting up and retrieving them from the bin.

"On the contrary, I just did," House said. "Anyway, you're my assistant, you deal with them."

"I'm not a doctor," Nicky retorted, I can't give them the answers."

"Sometimes that makes two of us," House was goading her.

Nicky was relieved when his beeper went off, giving her a chance to calm down before their next bout. House gave her a sly grin before hobbling back out of her office.

The next day started the same, Nicky had a lot to catch up on from the day before and House knew it. He kept her at his usual morning meeting this time just to add to the pressure and afterwards, gave her all his case notes from his Clinic he'd been stacking up for the past couple of days. He couldn't help but feel a little bitter over that lunch date with Wilson. Neither of them had so much as hinted what they had talked about and it grated on him not knowing.

"Why do you do it to her?" Foreman asked as they headed for the ward.

"Keeps her busy and out of my hair for a while doesn't it?" House replied with a glint in his eye.

Foreman shook his head and walked on ahead.

Just before House knocked off for the day, he walked into Nicky's office as she was finishing up a phone call. He didn't take much notice of it, he was thinking about the way he'd treated her this morning and was feeling guilty. He knew he was taking out his anger with Cuddy out on her too. He knew that she'd applied for the post and quite rightly assumed that he'd wanted and needed an assistant. Once again, he knew deep down that she was an asset to him but his pigheadedness wouldn't show Cuddy that she was right.

"Have you finished typing up the notes from this morning, yet?" House asked.

"No, and do you want to know why?" Nicky stood up, her eyes flashing in anger.

House shook his head, slightly amused that he'd wound her up so easily this time, all thoughts of guilt erased from his mind.

"Because I was taking notes for you at a meeting that you were supposed to be at," she spat.

House's smile slid from his face, she'd covered for him yet again.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to be somewhere." She pushed past him and strode off up the corridor, leaving House staring after her.

-----

Nicky sat in the waiting room feeling sick with nerves. She leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees, her hands entwined and stared at the floor. Wilson had been called away but was due back any moment, all she could do was wait. She looked down the corridor for the umpteenth time, hoping he was on his way, but this time she saw House, his eyes fixed on her, she had no worries about showing her irritation with him turning up either.

"So this is where you're hiding," he said, sitting down heavily next to her. "Is Wilson trying to poach you from me?" He chuckled, but underneath it was a serious question. They'd had lunch yesterday and they could have been talking about a move.

"No, he's not trying to poach me, if I wanted to switch, I'd have told you first," Nicky retorted, "Give me some credit."

"Oh," was all House could say. She'd completely thrown him, yet again.

"Actually, I've got an appointment," Nicky said finally.

House at last looked at her body language. She was hunched over, fidgeting with her hands, her eyes were darting everywhere and there was a sheen on her skin. No, there was more to this meeting than met the eye.

He took her hands roughly in his and Nicky spun around to look at him, confusion written all over her face.

"You're seeing Wilson as an Oncologist, aren't you?" House said quietly.

Nicky sighed, but said nothing and looked straight ahead.

"Is there anything I can do?" House asked.

"Why because you think I've got cancer?" Nicked answered him with a question. "It's common knowledge that you have no time for cancer patients, they don't interest you enough and most of them die anyway. So why bother being nice now? You might as well carry on the way you have all along, I may not be around for much longer anyway."

"Or it might turn out to be nothing," House said shrugging off her outburst.

"Yeah, maybe. Just leave me alone, Dr House," she snapped.

He was staggered at her abruptness, but he'd warranted it, he'd behaved atrociously to her from day one. It was at times like this she should have been able to turn to him for advice and a shoulder. There was also some truth in what she said, too, he had said all those things about cancer patients.

He got up to go. "Have dinner with me tonight," he suddenly said.

Nicky looked at him, amazed. "What did you just say?"

"My behaviour towards you has been unspeakable to say the least, let me show you how nice I can be," House explained awkwardly. "I want to turn over a new leaf, if you'll give me a chance?"

The sound of Wilson's polite cough startled them both.

"Shall we?" Wilson said, motioning towards his office.

Nicky got up, but House grabbed her arm lightly before she could walk away from him.

"Well?" he asked.

"Why? Are you feeling guilty now because I might be ill? I want the truth."

"No, it's not that," House replied, "although I am worried about you," he added hastily. "I'll explain it all later, if you'll meet me that is?"

She sighed. "Alright, seven thirty at Verdi's, I'll meet you inside."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

"Sorry I wasn't here," Wilson said, motioning to a seat in front of his desk. "What was all that about with House?"

"He followed me down here to wind me up, I think," Nicky explained. "He thought you were trying to poach me." She smiled and Wilson smiled back.

"You could work for me you know," Wilson said, his thoughts drifting.

"But then you couldn't be my Oncologist," Nicky said, bringing him back. "Right now, I think I need you to be that rather than my boss."

The smile slid from his face and Nicky saw it was bad news.

"I rushed the mammogram through as a favour to you," Wilson said, "But I'm afraid it's not good news."

Nicky took a sharp intake of breath, she felt as though a bucket of icy water had just been thrown over her.

"How aggressive?" she asked.

"I don't know that yet," Wilson replied. "I want to do a biopsy and run some more tests, although I'm pretty sure that it's contained in your right breast. We've picked it up much earlier this time, so your chances of keeping it are very good."

"Okay, when do you want me in?" Nicky asked. She sounded calm, but her face betrayed how she was really feeling.

"I'm scheduling the biopsy for tomorrow."

"That soon?"

"I think it's best under the circumstances, Nicky," Wilson said. He got up and walked around the desk and touched her shoulder, "I'm really sorry I couldn't have given you better news."

He could see tears welling up but she was fighting them back.

"See you in the morning then," Nicky whispered eventually.

Nicky didn't remember driving home, her head was fit to explode by the time she opened the door to her apartment. She felt so unclean, this alien was growing inside her body again. Why didn't it just fuck off and die?

She idly sat on the edge of the bathtub as it filled with warm water, the memories were still fresh from the last battle. She added bubbles and watched as they grew and popped. The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach had grown to nausea and she retched as she hunched herself over the toilet bowl. She started to cry, the enormity of the news finally reaching the surface, big racking sobs escaped and she grabbed some toilet paper to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. Every time she felt she'd got it under control, another wave hit her and she'd break down all over again.

She didn't know how long she'd sat there in silence since she'd turned the taps off as the water threatened to spill over, but a sharp rap at the door disturbed her. She mechanically got up to answer it and House was standing on her doorstep.

"You stood…" he broke off as he looked at her red eyes and tear stained face. "What's happened?"

Nicky opened the door wider to let him through, he noticed that she looked worn out and beaten. She pulled her robe closer around her as she shut the door quietly behind him.

"I'm sorry," Nicky whispered, "I forgot."

She wouldn't take her eyes off the floor, so House tilted her chin up gently, so that she had to look at him.

"Nicky, what's happened?" he asked again quietly. He led her to the sofa and pulled her down with him.

"It's come back," was all she said as she stared into space.

"The cancer?" He was almost too afraid to say it.

Nicky nodded her head slowly.

"Where is it?"

"In my breast."

"The chances are good," House said, but he knew she'd been here before, he felt it.

Nicky nodded her head again.

He took her hand and she dissolved into tears. He pulled her into his arms, trying to calm her whispering that it was going to be all right, he was here. He rocked her slowly, his hands gently rubbing her back.

Eventually she calmed down, "I'm sorry," she said. "Maybe it's best if I'm alone right now."

House shook his head he wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't leaving her in this state.

"What did Wilson say?" he probed gently.

"He did a routine mammogram yesterday and rushed it through as a favour, although I didn't ask him," she added quickly, thinking of resources.

"Wilson thinks of you as a friend and it's what us doctors have the power to do," House said smiling and he was pleased to see that she gave him a ghost of a smile back.

"Well, he's not happy with the growth, so he wants to do a biopsy in the morning," Nicky carried on.

"I'll come with you."

She shook her head and looked quite startled. "No, it's alright."

"Why not?" House asked, not understanding.

"I'd rather do this on my own, that's all," Nicky replied. She looked down at her hands still in his.

He tilted her head to look at him, "Tell me," he coaxed gently.

"There's nothing to tell," Nicky replied.

He realised that there was indeed a story to tell, she'd been let down or hurt because of the cancer before, probably both and she was protecting herself this time.

Another tear fell down her face, followed quickly by another and he could see how hard this was for her.

"There is," House still coaxed gently, "tell me what happened the last time."

Eventually, she took a deep breath and leaned back against the sofa and tucked her legs underneath her. House arranged his legs to a comfortable position and turned to face her, his arm resting along the back of the sofa.

"When I first found out that I had breast cancer, I was only twenty eight. The doctor thought it was just a cyst and by the time it was diagnosed, the only way to get rid of it was by removing my breast." A tear fell again and House gently wiped it away, he saw the pain in her face as she relived it all again for him. "I was married at the time, but it was just too much for him to handle, he couldn't take it," she gave a little laugh, "Michael wanted a whole wife, not a repulsive disfigured one. He couldn't look at me in the end, and who could blame him?"

Another tear escaped and House just kept wiping them away. Nicky saw compassion in his eyes and it spurred her on to keep talking.

"My hair fell out, I was just a shadow of myself. Once the chemo started, I was sick all the time. I had no energy to keep smiling and reassuring him that everything would turn out fine. His visits got less frequent and he would never stay long. It was then that Michael told me that he'd found someone else and wanted a divorce."

She paused, deep in thought and House waited for her to go on.

"He'd got her pregnant."

"No way?" House was astonished.

Nicky nodded, looking straight at him.

"Ever since then, I haven't let anyone get close to me. I couldn't go through the rejection if it happened again," she said. "Plus, I'm not whole, all he'd see is the scar and one breast, not the woman inside."

House knew she was talking sense. A lot of men couldn't accept a woman who'd had a mastectomy, he'd seen it.

"Come here," he said softly when he knew she'd finished.

Nicky looked at him hesitantly, not sure what he was asking. He touched the side of her neck tenderly, then pulled her gently towards him. As she moved along the sofa, he put his arms around her and she lightly laid her head against his chest, his fingers running through her hair.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

The next morning, Nicky was at her desk by six, catching up on the work she'd fallen behind on. She found it hard to concentrate, but forced herself to keep focussing on what she was doing. By seven thirty Chase walked into House's office and saw her through the glass wall.

"Hey, early bird," Chase said walking through the interconnecting doors.

"I'm trying to catch up," Nicky said, trying to perk up.

"You look tired, are you okay?" Chase said, immediately walking over and put a hand on her forehead.

"I'm fine, stop fussing," Nicky replied brushing his hand away, smiling. "Don't you have patients to see?"

He rolled his eyes and walked back through to House's office, picked up the files and waved to Nicky before setting off down the corridor towards the wards.

At eight, House walked into his office with Foreman and Cameron hot on his tail. Nicky's stomach flipped over when she saw him, she'd regretted telling him so much last night, but when she had started, she just couldn't stop. She wondered if he felt the same way.

Before sitting down at the table with his doctors, he walked through to her office.

"How are you feeling today?" House asked, genuinely concerned.

"I'm okay," Nicky replied, although shakily, "thanks for last night."

"Nicky, I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here for you," he said and gave her a ghost of a smile, which she returned.

"Thanks, it means a lot, but I won't burden you, I promise," Nicky said.

Before he could reply, Foreman was tapping on the door and beckoning House to follow him up to the wards, obviously an emergency.

"You should go," Nicky said, smiling again.

"Yeah," House replied regrettably.

It was around mid morning when Wilson came looking for her.

"Did you forget the time?" he asked as they walked down the corridor.

"I was hoping you would have actually," Nicky replied, a wicked smile playing on her lips. She was always the same when she was nervous.

Wilson smiled back and shook his head. "You'll be fine, I promise," he said reassuringly, "I'm doing the procedure."

They walked into the theatre and she stripped off whilst he gowned up. She hopped onto the table and lifted her arm above her head, then a nurse covered her over, leaving a patch of skin just below her underarm and her breast.

"You've done this before," Wilson smiled at her wickedly, putting her at ease.

Nicky nodded but said nothing.

"Okay, sharp scratch," Wilson said as he inserted the anaesthetic.

It took her breath away and made her eyes water, but she didn't flinch.

"Shouldn't be long before it goes numb," Wilson said, turning to get the rest of his instruments ready for the next part.

Suddenly, the door swung open and House stood there. Neither Wilson nor Nicky had ever seen him look so anxious.

"How far have you gone?" House asked uneasily.

"I've just given Nicky the anaesthetic, why?" Wilson asked.

"Oh good," House said relieved, "I thought I'd missed it."

Nicky looked at Wilson and he looked as confused as she did. House hobbled over and stood at the head of the bed, then took her hand in his.

"You shouldn't be in here," Wilson said protesting.

"But I want to be in here," House replied almost defiantly. "I want to make sure Nicky's okay," he added.

"It's okay," Nicky said, looking appreciative. "I want him here."

Wilson nodded, his thoughts running crazily through his head. "Okay, can you feel this?" He prodded Nicky's skin with a needle and she shook her head. "Just relax and we'll get this done as soon as possible."

As he cut into her flesh, Nicky turned away and House held her hand a little tighter, she breathed deeply while Wilson worked and soon he was stitching her up.

"You're going to be sore for a while," Wilson said finally as the nurse dressed her wound, "I'll give you something for that, but keep them away from House, he'll steal anyone's painkillers." They both grinned sardonically at each other.

"Nicky, I'll leave you now as I want to order a C.A.T. scan for you," he said, "and I want to get these off to the lab to be analysed."

She nodded as she slid stiffly off the bed. "Okay, James," she said, "thanks."

House was waiting for her in the corridor, twirling his stick to pass the time.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Great, anaesthetic hasn't worn off yet," Nicky replied.

"So, do you want some lunch?"

She shook her head, she was feeling sick and the last thing she wanted was food, especially hospital food.

"Wait until you see what I've got for you before you make your mind up first," House said mysteriously as he set off down the corridor.

"Greg, wait," Nicky said. It was the first time she'd called him by his first name and he discovered that he loved the way she said it, she rolled her R's and it sounded lovely. "Thanks for coming today, I know you didn't need to." She reached up and kissed him briefly on the cheek.

They walked back to House's office in amiable silence. He sat her down at his table and produced a huge piece of chocolate fudge cake, then limped over and brought her a coffee. He sat down next to her and grinned.

"Now, how about lunch?"

She smiled and shook her head disbelieving what he'd just done.

"We should tell the rest of the team," House said.

"Not yet," Nicky said, her smiling fading.

"They'll rally around you," House coaxed, "you know how they all love you."

Nicky's smile was back again. "Alright, but you can do it," Nicky agreed. "It'll make up for being so appalling to me in the past."

"I deserved that," House agreed, grinning. "But I'm glad you said it was in the past. Now eat up."

As she put the fork to her lips, she winced, the pain ripped through her and she dropped the fork back onto the plate.

House took her hand, "Anaesthetic wearing off?"

Nicky nodded, tears springing to her eyes.

"I'll fetch your prescription in a minute," he said and Nicky looked at him as if he was deranged.

"You're going to fetch my prescription?"

"Yeah," House replied, puffing out his chest. "Now try this cake, I've heard it's to die for." He winced a little at his insensitivity as he brought the fork up to her mouth.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Foreman looked at Chase incredulously.

"I certainly am," Chase replied, his jaw dropping.

Cameron walked straight past them and into House's office. The look of surprise said it all. She stopped dead in her tracks and stammered her apologies before trying to back out of the office.

"It's all right, come in," House said, "all of you." He turned to call Chase and Foreman in too.

As they sat down and eyed the cake, House's bleeper went off. He looked at it, then excused himself.

"Be back in a moment," he said, he grabbed Nicky's prescription off the table and limped off down the corridor.

Nicky took a deep breath and looked around at the expectant faces.

"I've got cancer," she said quietly. The stunned silence was almost deafening. "Please don't make a big thing of this."

The shock on their faces was too much for Nicky to handle. "Excuse me," she said and hurried out. She kept walking until she got outside and sat down on a bench.

Chase wasn't far behind her though. He sat down and looked straight at her.

"How long have you known?" he asked her quietly.

"I found out yesterday," Nicky replied. "It's breast cancer."

"Nicky, I'm so sorry," he said.

"Thanks."

They sat in silence for a time then Nicky said, "Chase, can I be alone for a while?"

"Sure, will you be alright?"

"I'll be fine, I just need some time, that's all."

He gave her hand a squeeze before leaving.

House was back in his office when Chase walked in, "Is Nicky okay?" House asked.

His team looked at one another, House had never called her by her name before, she was always 'the Brit'.

"Yeah, she's getting some fresh air, she'll be back in a while."

House nodded relieved that she hadn't decided to go home.

"Okay, people, so you know what's up, normality would be good for her right now. She knows she can count on you for support and I'm sure she'll ask you for it if she needs it," House said calmly, although he was feeling anything but.

Before he got down to the events of the day, he watched Nicky walk into her office and sit down. She smiled to herself when she saw the pill bottle House had left for her on her desk and he couldn't help but smile either. She took them and nodded at House reassuringly.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

That night, Nicky felt more in control of her emotions. Wilson had said that the cancer had been caught early and he was pulling out all the stops to get rid of it. The last time, the doctors seemed to take over and she felt like a piece of meat, she was sure that was a contributory factor to the resentment and bleakness she had felt for a long time afterwards.

She remembered the trick of wrapping cling film around her body several times, so that her stitches and dressing would stay dry whilst she took a shower. As the water ran over her body, she reflected on House's total change of attitude towards her. She wondered if it was because of the cancer but then remembered that he'd wanted to have dinner with her to apologise for his behaviour. She had to admit that he was a little nicer to her after their dance the other night. She was smart enough to realise too that she needed as many friends around her for support right now and if House wanted to help her, then she'd gladly accept his offer. But what if he wanted more than that? No, he couldn't, could he?

She stepped out of the shower afraid to stay in there too long in case the water penetrated the plastic, then used a blade to cleanly cut the wrap off. She pulled her robe on and heard the doorbell. She was torn between getting dressed or just taking a chance that it was someone ringing the wrong one. She certainly wasn't expecting anyone, so she took the chance.

Seeing House standing there completely threw her into a panic. She pulled the robe tighter, her hand clutching the robe to her chest as she let him in.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright," House said, closing the door behind him. "Have I called at a bad time?" He looked her up and down, obviously realising that he had.

"No, no, it's okay," Nicky replied, her eyes darting around the apartment. "I'll just, um, get dressed." She backed out of the living room and hurried to the bedroom, "I'll be back in a minute," she added.

House watched for a moment, then unhurriedly followed her into the bedroom. She had lit candles all around the room, which had created a lovely, relaxing atmosphere. She was obviously going to unwind tonight and he liked the way she was thinking.

Nicky was standing in front of the full-length mirror and he read the panic in her eyes when she saw his reflection in the doorway. He walked slowly over, then stood behind her as he placed his hands on her shoulders. They both looked at their reflection for a moment, the candlelight creating a soft glow on their faces, although despair was written all over hers.

He slowly slid his hands down her arms and reached her hands, which were holding tightly onto the knot around her waist. He pulled her gently into him and she responded putting her head against his chest, she closed her eyes and let him slowly undo the ties. She opened them as his hands slid to her shoulders once more and gently pulled her robe away, exposing her body. House felt her take a deep breath, her eyes falling to the scar where her left breast had been, then flick up to his eyes, she was looking to read the disgust in them, but found nothing. She watched him as his fingertips lightly skimmed her décolleté, his arms crossing over as he cupped her right breast in his left hand, his right hand gently stroking her scar.

"You're beautiful," he whispered huskily. He turned his head slightly and kissed her neck, his stubble scratching it as he worked his magic on her. His touch was gentle and he felt her loosen up as she gave in, her fingers reaching up to his neck.

She turned and wrapped her arms around him, looking deep into his eyes. He could read her unasked question and said, "You really are," he whispered, "you have a beautiful body. I'm a lucky man."

"What do you mean?" Nicky asked quietly.

"Since we kissed that night in my apartment, I haven't been able to get you out of my head," House said, "I want you."

"Oh that," Nicky said, breaking away from him, breaking the spell as she walked over to sit on the bed, pulling her robe around her once more. "Well that wasn't really what you thought it was."

House looked confused and followed her over, sitting down next to her.

"I needed to feel like a woman," Nicky explained. "I knew that you didn't like me, hated me even." She watched House cringe a little, then went on, "So I figured that I was safe with you. You'd either totally reject me or just kiss me to get it over with, you didn't know anything about me or my health, you'd see me for who I was. When we kissed, for the first time in years, I felt like a normal woman. You can't imagine how good you made me feel."

"So that's why you thanked me," House said, getting it.

Nicky nodded and looked down at her hands. "You kissed me and moved on, or so I thought. I'm sorry, I used you," she said quietly.

"Well, I think you'd better make it up to me," House smiled, tilting her chin so that she could see the playfulness in his eyes.

She shook her head, a smile playing on her lips, not getting it.

"Kiss me so I know how good you can make me feel this time," House said quietly.

Obliging, she leaned in to him and brushed her lips against his, her fingers running softly through his hair. He pulled her lightly down onto the bed and shifted his position so that his leg was comfortable, all the while kissing her. Once she was lying flat, he opened up her robe once more, and carefully traced his fingertips over her body, warily avoiding the dressing, he didn't want to spoil the moment by having her scream out in pain.

Their kisses got more passionate but he realised that he was rushing and pulled back.

"What's the matter?" Nicky asked. She looked as though she'd just been rejected and his heart went out to her.

"You've just had surgery and I'm afraid I'll hurt you," he said quietly.

"Is that really the truth?" Nicky asked as she pulled her robe back over her body.

"Yes," House replied sincerely, "I'm not rejecting you, I really am terrified of hurting you."

She smiled and he could see that he'd reassured her. He felt her relax and he pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back absently as he kissed the top of her head. He stayed with her until she fell asleep, then left her to get some proper rest, he figured she hadn't slept properly in days.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

Nicky arrived at work early again the next morning, she had so much work to do and it bothered her. Her mind kept wandering back to last night and she smiled to herself, the butterflies in the stomach gave her shivers all over her body.

She noticed her voicemail blinking on her phone and pressed the button as she gathered some files together. She stopped suddenly when she heard House's voice.

"I've got a meeting with Cuddy his morning," he groaned, she smiled, "so I'm going to be late. Tell the team for me, I forgot to let them know before I left last night," there was silence for a moment, but she knew he was still there, she could hear a soft sigh, "I'm falling for you." It was barely audible.

She wasn't sure she heard that last bit right and so played the message again, this time putting the receiver to her ear. She smiled as she put it back in its cradle.

Her phone rang and dragged her out of her daydream, it was Wilson. "Oh you're there?" he said surprised when she answered it. "I was going to leave a voicemail for you."

"I'm trying to catch up," Nicky replied.

"I've got a C.A.T. scan ordered for you this afternoon," he said. He heard her sharp intake of breath and realised that he could have put it more tactfully. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Nicky said, "everything's just moving a little fast, that's all."

"The sooner we get this thing properly diagnosed, the sooner we can start treatment," Wilson said gently.

"I know, it's just me," Nicky said, "don't worry about it, I'll be there."

After hanging up, she looked through the glass walls and watched Chase pour himself a cup of coffee, he turned and held his cup up to her, indicating that he'd get one for her too. He'd obviously seen her talking on the phone. She nodded and smiled.

"So what are you up to today," Chase said, pulling up a chair and sitting down opposite her.

"Well, I'm not moving from this office until this afternoon, I've go so much to do," she replied jovially, "you doctors just don't realise the paperwork you create, you know."

He grinned and took a sip of his coffee.

"Then I'm going for my C.A.T. scan and coming straight back here until I've caught up," she added.

Chase was slightly thrown, "Wow, that was quick, even for Dr Wilson's standards," he said.

"Chase, do you think things are moving a little too quickly?" Nicky asked, "I mean, do you think there's something he's not telling me?"

He shook his head, deep in thought. "I'm not an Oncologist but I know that the quicker these things are diagnosed, the better. I think he's doing you favour because you're friends."

"Or that I've had it before."

She looked directly at him and he couldn't keep the shock from his face.

"Aww, Nicky, I'm so sorry," Chase said eventually. She could see how gutted he was for her.

"Don't you think you should be wandering around your wards right now, looking important?" Nicky said smiling as she changed the subject, "Go on, I've got work to do. Oh and by the way, House is going to be late, he's got a meeting with Cuddy first thing, pass it on would you?"

"Sure, but you're okay though?" Chase asked, getting up and taking her hand. He gave it a squeeze.

"I'll be fine, don't worry."

It was nearly two hours later when she saw House. He walked into his office with his team following behind, they looked harassed as they sat down at the table and spread files out in front of them, he'd obviously left Cuddy's office and gone straight to the ward.

He glanced at her and nodded, giving her a ghost of a smile that flipped her stomach over.

He grabbed his markers and got down to business, she watched as they threw symptoms at him and he wrote them down, his brow furrowed in concentration. Nicky saw the time moving on and it was coming up for her appointment, she hadn't had a chance to tell House but she wasn't going to disturb him. A patient's life was hanging in the balance and the last thing she wanted to do was break his concentration.

She got up, grabbing the files she'd finished with and walked down the corridor to leave them with the Clerk for filing before carrying on to meet up with Wilson.

"So I didn't have to come looking for you today then?" Wilson said good-naturedly. "How's your arm?"

"It's okay," Nicky replied. "A bit stiff."

Nicky followed him and once she'd gowned up, laid down on the table. She'd been here before and knew the drill. She took off her necklace that her mother had given her, it was Welsh gold and she treasured it. She fingered the outline of the love spoon, it's intricate design adding texture and smoothness.

"Okay, Nicky, lots of clicks and bangs, all perfectly normal," Wilson said to her quietly, "nothing you haven't heard before."

She nodded her head and took deep breaths, it was still as nerve wracking though. She watched the nurses and radiographers milling around, getting ready.

Wilson came back into view, "House is here, do you want to talk to him before we start?"

Nicky nodded her head and heard the rhythmic thud of his stick as he walked across the floor.

"Hey," he said quietly, his eyes roamed over her face and he pushed her fringe out of her eyes.

She smiled.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier," he said, just as quietly. Chase had obviously just realised where she was and told him.

"You have a job to do, Greg," Nicky whispered.

"Did you get my message?" House asked, obviously knowing the answer already or Chase wouldn't have asked him how his meeting went.

She nodded, waiting for him to awkwardly tell her that it was just the moment.

He came closer to her, "Damn machines, they're just too reliable," he whispered, "I wanted to tell you again."

"W-what?" Nicky said, "You mean, you meant it?"

He nodded his head, "Yeah." He kissed her softly and smiled before Wilson called him away.

"Wait, Greg," she said suddenly.

He turned around looking worried.

"Look after this," she said, handing him the necklace, "its precious to me."

He looked down at it, turning it over in his palm and smiled before nodding and walking away once more.

Nicky listened to Wilson explain to her that she was about to go through the tunnel and to remain perfectly still. She breathed deeply as she moved through it, listening to the whirring and clicking.

"What's with you two?" Wilson couldn't help himself.

"Early days," House replied.

"So should you really be here?" Wilson asked, "I mean, ethically, you shouldn't."

"Are you going to get me thrown out?" House looked directly at him.

"Would it do any good?" Wilson bantered back.

"Nope."

"Well, then," Wilson grinned.

The both concentrated as the pictures came through, peering at the screen as her body showed up in different colours.

After a while, Wilson said, "It's more aggressive than I thought," he pointed at the screen with his pen tip, "see these lymph nodes? I'm not happy about them at all. I'll wait and see what the biopsy says before I tell her."

House watched quietly while Wilson printed out and measured, calculated, and scribbled notes, not wanting to disturb him. All the while his stomach was doing somersaults, praying that Nicky was still a fighter.

He was standing at the edge of the tunnel when Nicky came through it, smiling at her. She reached out for his hand and he took it and gave it a squeeze.

Wilson walked over and helped her up, "I'll come and find you once you've changed, Nicky." He smiled and she felt reassured.

Once again, House was waiting in the corridor for her,

"You didn't have to stick around," Nicky laughed.

"I fancied some company on the lonely walk back to my office," House countered. He put her necklace back on and told her how pretty it was.

As they walked, Nicky asked, "Did you see anything?"

"Wilson didn't say much, he was too busy looking you over," House smiled. "But there's not many men who can say they've seen the insides of their girlfriend's bodies now, is it?"

"Oh, so that's what I am to you?" Nicky said, feeling pleased.

He pulled her to a stop and looked deeply into her eyes, loving the way they were sparkling. "Yeah, if you'll have me."

"But what about the cancer, Greg?" she asked, the smile slipping from her face, "It's not fair to ask you to commit yourself and I'm not going to ask you to neither, knowing what I'm going to go through. A new relationship is under enough strain without the burden of cancer. You don't need a sick girlfriend, dragging you down. You'll resent me eventually, I've seen it before, remember?"

"Nicky, didn't you hear what I said?" House replied, "I'm crazy about you. I'm not Michael and I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you, understand?" He poked her gently in the shoulder and a smile lit up her face once more, although he could see she was worried about him, they both knew they were taking a lot on, but he couldn't help himself, he loved her and wanted to be with her, for always. Everything he'd ever said about cancer patients and their families went totally against the grain. He wanted her to get better and start a new life with him. He knew how relatives and friends felt now and it hurt like hell to watch them go through it. He wished it were him that was going to go through the treatment not the woman he had to finally admit he loved.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

They arrived back at his office and Foreman asked how everything went.

"Okay," Nicky replied, "Dr Wilson is going to find me when he's got the results in."

"Listen, we're going to the park tomorrow, do you want to come with us?" Foreman asked. "We're just going to throw a Frisbee about and grab a bar meal, nothing fancy."

Nicky looked from one expectant face to another, "Are you coming, Dr House?"

House then looked around his surprised team before nodding. There was no way he was missing out on an opportunity to spend time with her, even if he had to share.

It was getting late, Nicky was still working on the team's notes but she was feeling tired. She debated whether or not to call it a day and start afresh tomorrow morning, or give it another hour. House and his team were dealing with an emergency, so they still hadn't left either. She decided to work another hour, although she knew she'd be back tomorrow.

"Friday night, date night," House popped his head around the door and startled her. He walked in, obviously on a high and perched on the edge of her desk, then he noticed how tired she was looking.

She smiled at him, her eyes still had that sparkle no matter how tired she looked. "Date night?"

"Yeah, have you realised that we haven't actually been on a date yet?"

"Where do you want to go?" Nicky brightened.

"We can either go for dinner, or a drive-in movie," House grinned at her wickedly. "We can make out in the back seat."

"I thought you had a two seater sports car," Nicky laughed.

"Oh yeah, that might be a problem." He pretended to think, suddenly he brightened, "we'll have dinner then."

"But you won't get to make out with me if we do that," Nicky said all innocently.

"A-ha, not a problem," House replied pretending to have thought of everything, "we can do that tomorrow night. We'll take your car to the movies instead."

She rolled her eyes in mock exasperation, "Okay, you win, dinner it is."

House's beeper went off.

"Or maybe not," Nicky smiled at him.

"Won't be long," House said, "wait here for me?"

She nodded and settled back down again. She had files to finish up and figured she might as well do them while she waited.

House hurried to Oncology as fast as his limp would allow and walked straight into Wilson's office.

"What is it?" he asked, catching his breath. "The results are back aren't they?"

Wilson nodded. "House, I really shouldn't be telling you this first, but I'm telling you this as a friend. If we don't get her started on chemo soon, she's going to lose her breast."

House was stunned, he thought for a while, then said, "When do you want her in?"

Wilson raised his eyebrows in a sooner rather than later gesture.

"Can we just have one weekend together?" House asked quietly.

"Of course," Wilson replied, "I'll tell her on Monday and get her in on Tuesday. I'm not leaving it later than that."

House nodded, agreeing. "It's so unfair, she's only thirty two."

"Life's a bitch," Wilson echoed his friend's sentiments.

House walked back to his office deep in thought. He mustn't betray what he knew, he wanted her to have a truly special weekend and he was going to make sure she got it. God knows when she'd be able to walk out in the sunshine feeling as well as she was feeling right now.

"Ready?" he said, smiling at Nicky as she grabbed her bag and walked towards him.

They both picked at their dinner, neither of them having the appetite to eat after all, although their conversation wasn't at all strained. They chatted, laughed, talked deeply and held hands. They were made for each other they both felt it. Damn this cancer.

"Wanna to come back to my place?" House asked. "I've got some good music we could dance to."

She grinned at him, entwining her hand in his, "I'd love to."

The drive seemed to take no time at all and they were soon walking through the door of his apartment.

Nicky watched as he turned the stereo on, it was state of the art, House loved his gadgets. He walked over to her and slowly took her in his arms, as he did, she felt once more, the stick bumping her gently on the back of her leg.

"Your eyes sparkle," he murmured.

"So do yours," Nicky replied.

His hand reached her face and he traced her cheek with infinite gentleness. Nicky closed her eyes to his touch and pulled him tighter to him.

"Greg," she whispered, "do you think I'll come through this?"

He pulled away slightly and looked deep into her eyes, she looked scared. "Of course," he said, "you've got the best doctors in the country looking out for you." He smiled, hoping he was reassuring her.

He brushed her hair out of face and kissed her, she responded by touching him in that special way of hers, her fingertips working their magic, easing the tension from his neck and he felt his legs give way. While he could still walk, he led her gently into the bedroom, flicking the dimmer switch so that it gave a soft glow to the room.

He laid her gently on the bed, kissing her with more passion by the moment. Nicky's hands went to his face and she smiled at him, giving him a look that he would remember for the rest of his days. She was as besotted with him as he was with her. Yes, everything would be all right.

She sat up, unbuttoning her blouse, letting it fall, then undid her bra, he noted that it wasn't the bra that was giving her shape, it was the silicone insert that she wore. She could just slip it between her skin and any bra she choose, giving her some control over whatever she fancied wearing.

She turned and lay down next to him once more and he couldn't resist touching her body. Nicky's hand roamed over his as they kissed again, passion mounting once more. Yet he knew that he couldn't take it any further, he was scared of hurting her too much. She felt delicate beneath his touch.

He wanted to pull back but yet couldn't stop himself her touch was magical. He felt as though he was drowning and he gasped for breath. She started pulling off his clothes, her passion growing, he had no choice but to help her, he needed to feel his skin against hers. She sat astride him and he saw the wanton look in her eyes, still he knew he should pull back but couldn't.

He reached into the top drawer of his bedside cabinet and pulled out a box of condoms.

Putting one on he whispered hoarsely that he couldn't take the risk of getting her pregnant. "Now isn't the right time to get pregnant," he whispered.

She smiled, understanding his concern. He knew her well enough to know that if she did, she would stop the treatment to have his child, it was a risk he wasn't prepared to take, selfishly or not.

"You have to be on top," House said almost apologetically, "my leg won't hold me."

They slowly and sweetly made love, their bodies connecting in a way neither of them thought possible, both of them unselfishly wanting the other to enjoy the experience.

They slept entwined with each other until dawn and only woke then when House screamed out in pain after Nicky had unintentionally shoved her leg against his withered thigh.

"Oh shit," Nicky flew out of bed and stood next to it all wide eyed whilst House rolled around the bed in agony. "Tell me what to do."

"Just grab my Vicodin, quick," House gasped.

She flew into the living room and grabbed the bottle from the top of the piano, then ran into the kitchen to get some water.

"Never mind the bloody water," House screamed, when he realised what she was doing. "Just bring the pills."

Nicky turned tail and ran back into the bedroom, shoving the bottle in his hands. "I'm so sorry," she said, panic written all over her face.

She watched House swallow them dry then rub his leg as the pain eased, after that his face slowly untwisted as the pain subsided. He reached his hand out to her and pulled her back onto the bed.

"I'm sorry I scared you," he said.

She smiled, relaxing and she snuggled in to him once more.

"And there was me terrified of hurting you," House whispered ironically.

"How could you hurt me, Greg?" Nicky said huskily.

House pulled away so that he could see her face, she was crying softly.

"What's the matter?"

"I really hurt you then, didn't I?" Nicky said quietly.

He pulled her into his arms and held her tight, "It's okay," he whispered, "it's okay."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 

After much protesting from House, Nicky eventually went to work, still aglow from her night with him, promising him that he could spend the night at her place, but only if he let her go to work first.

She finished up satisfied that she'd caught up and headed straight for the park, the team were already there, spread out throwing the Frisbee to each other. She noticed how well they got on and smiled inwardly to herself. She hurried towards them, then saw House, sitting on the bench, twirling his stick. He'd already seen her and was grinning like a school kid. Before she could get to him, however, Chase threw the Frisbee straight at her, she caught it easily and flipped it towards Cameron, who dropped it and muttered under her breath that she wasn't ready.

Cameron had had enough anyway, she wandered over to House and sat down heavily. "I've never been any good at this sort of thing," she mumbled.

"Then why bother coming?" House asked, irritated.

"Why did you?" she countered.

"Because Nicky asked me and I thought it would be fun," House replied.

He got out his digital camera and took pictures of Nicky laughing and enjoying herself.

"Why are you taking pictures?" Cameron asked innocently.

House sighed and explained, "Because when she's feeling like she's in hell on earth, I'll be able to show her some good times, memories, you know? Trust me, it'll help her get through it."

"You seem very sure," Cameron said, "You've changed towards her since she found out about the cancer. Are you feeling guilty about the way you treated her in the past Dr House?"

Why did Cameron irritate her so much?

"I was, at first," House said, "but we've gotten to know each other better now and we've reached an understanding." He smiled to himself and Cameron had no idea why.

He was startled when he realised that the Frisbee was heading straight towards him, he grabbed it and saw Nicky grinning wickedly. Obviously it was her that threw it. He tried to give her a withering look but it turned into a grin as he flung it back at her. It went wide and she chased after it, lagging behind the rest of the team as they wandered over to the bench.

"We're going for something to eat, wanna come?" Foreman asked House.

"Sure," he replied, getting up stiffly.

They started walking down the pathway just as Nicky caught up and handed the Frisbee to Chase. She fell into step in front of House and he poked her in the back with his stick.

"Hey," she chided him, her eyes full of laughter.

"Don't I even get a hello?" House grinned, "I've been sat there for ages." He glanced back over to the bench.

She stopped for him to catch up with her and said hello shyly. He entwined his hand in hers and they carried on walking down the path towards the bar.

"Let's announce ourselves this way," House whispered in her ear. "Let them work it out for themselves."

Nicky smiled and nodded shyly.

They both grinned at the glances they got, the shock on his team's face when they worked it out very quickly that House and Nicky were now an item.

They ordered a large jug of beer and Chase played mother and poured.

"Nicky, don't drink too much," House murmured in her ear. His arm was casually slung around the back of her.

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you, Dr House?" Nicky grinned wickedly. She saw he wasn't reacting the way he should have been and stared into his eyes, she was confused. "Why? What's the matter?"

She became aware that it wasn't just him that was listening to her.

"You'll be starting your treatment soon," House muttered.

She stared at him, her eyes hard. "How do you know that? _I_ don't even know when it's going to start yet."

He looked around at his team hanging on to his every word, "Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now," he said quietly.

"On the contrary, I think we should," Nicky said, her eyes flashing. "After all, it's obvious that none of us know as much as you when it comes to my cancer."

You could have heard a pin drop right then. Nicky broke the trance as she grabbed her coat and pushed her way awkwardly past Chase. She marched through the door, tears starting to blind her and hurried across the car park to her car. She clumsily dropped the keys, she was shaking all over and couldn't control her movements.

She heard House calling out to her and swung around to look at him.

"Just leave me alone, House," she yelled.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

Nicky knew if she went home, House would turn up sooner or later, so she joined the freeway and headed towards Philadelphia. She'd lived there since she was married and had friends there, although she found herself turning into the street where she used to live. She pulled up opposite the house and caught a light being flicked on in the bedroom above the porch, she saw Michael's new wife pulling the curtains, shutting in the light. Must be putting the child to bed, Nicky thought. With a sigh she headed back to New Jersey.

Just as she'd predicted, House was leaning against her door post waiting for her.

"I don't think this is going to work out," Nicky said as she let him into her apartment.

"Why not?" House asked as he shut the door behind him.

"Didn't you think this was a really big thing to keep from me?" she looked at him accusingly.

"Yeah, but…"

"Look, I can't live with secrets, Greg," Nicky said, "I've been there and done that already. I couldn't take it again."

"I know," House replied, "I understand that now and I'm sorry."

She cut him off again, "When did you find out?"

"Friday."

"So why didn't you tell me on Friday?"

"Because I wanted you to have one more weekend without worrying," House said, he'd tried to touch her but she threw his hand off angrily.

"But I had a right to know," Nicky said, tears of anger filling her eyes. "Don't you realise that it's hanging over me whatever day of the week it is?"

"I know, but I just wanted you to have some peace first," House said.

She knew he was making sense, he was trying to protect her for as long as possible.

"Don't you understand that I'll never be at peace until I get the all clear and I'm in remission?"

She stared at him and then added, "I'm not as fragile as you think I am you know," Nicky said, bending a little.

"Oh yes you are," House said, "to me you are."

He walked over and she didn't resist as he pulled her into his arms. She broke down and he comforted her whilst she let it all out.

"I'm scared," Nicky said when she'd calmed down. They sat down on her sofa and she positioned herself so that she was facing him, he hugged her tight.

"I am too," House whispered.

"What did James say?" she asked, looking straight at him, her tear stained face begging him to tell her that it was all a mistake.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" House asked quietly.

Nicky shook her head, "I need to know."

He kissed her hand, "It's already on level four. He was going to tell you tomorrow and get you started on chemo by Tuesday."

Nicky took a sharp intake of breath, she didn't realise it had gotten this far. "Oh my God."

"I can call him and start tomorrow if you want," House said quietly.

She nodded slowly, realisation dawning on her that this was actually happening and House's heart went out to her.

"Hey," he said softly, "we'll get through this together, I promise." He pulled her in closer and rocked her gently, whispering that it would be all right.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

The next day came all too soon, House had stayed over and they walked into the hospital together, united.

House bleeped Wilson and he called almost immediately.

"Nicky wants to start her treatment today," House said quietly. He put the receiver down, "he's on his way," House said to her.

Nicky grabbed the waste paper bin and retched into it, although she hadn't eaten this morning, she felt sick to the pit of her stomach. Her head obviously didn't realise that there was nothing to bring up.

House handed her some tissues and noted how ill she already looked. He knew she'd slept fitfully which was understandable, she knew what was coming.

Wilson arrived and saw how washed out she was, her eyes were still watery from throwing up.

"I take it Greg has told you everything?" Wilson said gently.

Nicky nodded. "Let's get this done," she said defiantly.

House's bleeper went off and he read it irritably. "Perfect," he said. "One of my patients has just crashed."

"Go and deal with him then, I'll see you later," Nicky said calmly.

"But…"

"No buts, just go," Nicky said and smiled softly.

All three set off down the corridor, House had to change direction when they got the elevator. "See you later," he said quietly and kissed her softly on her head. "Look after her, Wilson," he added.

"I'll show you what I've found," Wilson said to her as she lay on the bed, the ultrasound machine was next to her. He ran the probe over her chest pointing out to the lymph nodes and finally the lump.

"What are my chances?" Nicky asked quietly.

"I'm going to put you on a course of chemo and then do a lumpectomy," Wilson replied.

"I'm going to lose this breast too, aren't I?" she asked.

"Not if I can help it," Wilson replied gently. He handed her a box of tissues, grabbing one to clean up the probe. "Come on, let's get started, we've got lots more tests to do today before we start the chemo." He smiled at her what he hoped was reassuringly, but she was still as white as a ghost.

Wilson stayed with her the whole time she had her treatment, they chatted about why she didn't have a breast reconstruction and he understood her reasons. At the end of her session, he wanted to hug her tight but wasn't sure how she'd take it.

"How are you feeling?" Wilson asked as she walked out of the treatment room and into his office where he waited for her. He wanted to take her stitches out today.

"Okay, I think," Nicky replied, "a little shaky, but that's to be expected, right?"

He nodded his head and smiled, getting down to work. Once finished, he dressed the wound up.

"Here's a script for some anti-nausea medication, take one every twelve hours for the next three days and you should be fine," Wilson said. He handed her the prescription. "Any problems, you call me straight away, all right? There's no need to suffer in silence."

"Thanks, James," Nicky said and awkwardly hugged him.

Nicky made her way back to House's office. She knew he'd have come down to Oncology if he could have got away, he wasn't the type to let her get on with it. He'd proved that twice already. She smiled as she thought of him.

She called to the Pharmacy first though. As she waited for her turn, she leaned against the counter, her thoughts drifting. She felt a little surreal at the moment, she stared into space, still lost in her thoughts and didn't realise that House was practically standing on her feet by the time she noticed him.

"You were watching me the whole time I was walking towards you," he grinned, then gave her a peck on her head.

"I may have looked like I was watching you, Greg, but rest assured, I wasn't seeing you," Nicky smiled, as she dragged herself back into the present.

"What's this?" House asked, taking the prescription from her lightly.

"My anti-sickness medicine," Nicky replied.

He loved the way she said 'anti'. She said it the British way. The more he listened to her, the more he noticed that she had kept her British traditions, unwilling to change her language to American.

He remembered how it grated on him at first, she spelled everything her way and spoke correctly. The only thing she'd bent to was the date, and only because she had to given that if she didn't it caused total confusion. She must have taken a while to get used to it herself though.

He noticed that while he was thinking, she was staring into space again. He handed the Pharmacist her script and touched her face tenderly to bring her back.

"You were daydreaming," House said quietly.

"Sorry," Nicky said a little confused. "I think I was like that before too."

"I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to your chemo," he said as he grabbed her pills and headed towards the office.

"Don't worry about it," Nicky smiled, "I was in good hands, and besides, it's not as if it was unavoidable now was it?" She looked straight at him, her eyes starting to sparkle again.

House smiled down at her and shook his head. "Did Wilson stay with you?"

"Yep," Nicky said with a look of pleasure on her face, "we talked."

"Oh yeah?" House said, "About what?" He couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy.

"This and that, nothing deep," Nicky reassured him and smiled inwardly to herself. "You shouldn't have missed it if you are going to get all touchy about it."

He looked into her playful eyes, "I don't intend to miss any more, trust me."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 

The next day, Nicky headed for work feeling fine. She'd slept like a baby wrapped in House's arms, he wanted to make sure she was okay after her first treatment and, if he could have wrapped her up in cotton wool, she was sure he would have. She didn't want to take sick leave until she absolutely had to, plus it was nice to work with Greg all day too.

"I don't want Nicky taking any history's with you lot anymore," House warned his team. "You bring the case notes back here and she'll sort them out, understand?"

They nodded gravely and went about their duties.

"There's no need to be so abrupt, you know," Nicky said softly. "They do understand."

"If I had my way, you wouldn't be here at all, you know that don't you?" House said. "A hospital is really not the place for you to be in right now."

Nicky couldn't help but smile at the irony of what he was saying.

"Right," she smiled and walked into her office.

By the end of the day she felt like she'd been hit by a train.

"That's it, you're taking the rest of the week off," House clucked around her.

"I'm fine," Nicky protested, "I just want to go home and sleep it off, stop fussing."

After convincing House that she was going straight to bed, he eventually left but he felt uneasy. He'd fallen for her hard and he wanted to be around her no matter how she was, healthy or ill.

Nicky worked part time for the rest of the week, coming and going as she pleased. Dr Wilson had called a couple of times a day to check up on her, although she'd seen through his excuses straight away and he'd had to admit that he was really checking up on his patient, not just calling on House for a consult.

Friday night was date night again. House had made a big thing of it all day although going out was the last thing Nicky fancied. She tried to be enthusiastic about it, but she confided in Wilson when he took her to lunch that day that she was feeling really tired and all she wanted to do was veg out in front of the t.v. and watch a good film.

"I'm not letting Greg down though," Nicky smiled at her friend defiantly. "He's looking forward to it."

"Why don't I have a word with him?" Wilson suggested gently.

Nicky shook her head and smiled, "No, I want to go on a date with him, really I do," Nicky explained, "it's just that I hope he doesn't want to go to a restaurant that's all, I still feel a little sick." They smiled at each other, understanding. "Anyway, he won't tell me what we're doing yet either, which is worrying." She broke into a sly grin and Wilson couldn't help but chuckle.

Wilson knew that trust and openness was really important to her, so he decided to go against his instincts and not talk to House how she was feeling. He was sure that she'd tell him if they were doing too much on their date tonight.

"Ready?" House said enthusiastically, popping is head around the office door.

Nicky smiled at him and got up to go. "Where are we going?" she asked.

"Put it this way, you don't need to go home and change first," he replied mysteriously.

She shook her head, breaking into a grin and linked her arm in his as they walked towards the elevator together.

House drove straight to his apartment, smiling devilishly as he walked around to her side and opened the door chivalrously.

"Why, thank you, kind sir," Nicky grinned and batted her eyelids at him.

He drew her into the living room and sat her down on the sofa, then lit the log fire deftly.

He grabbed the phone, "What do you fancy? Italian, Chinese, something else?" He gave her an enquiring look.

"Up to you," Nicky smiled, realising that this was the date, and relaxed.

"Let's have your favourite then," House grinned, and ordered Italian.

"How did you know that?" Nicky asked amazed.

"I asked around," House said a little embarrassed. "Be back in a bit."

He hobbled off towards the kitchen, but turned on the stereo first. He was soon back with two empty glasses in his hand and a bottle of wine tucked under his arm.

"Sorry," he apologised, "I can't carry two full glasses, I spill them."

Nicky smiled and he noticed her eyes sparkling. Finally, he relaxed, knowing that he was doing the right thing.

"I've just got to do one more thing," House said, getting up and shuffling to the bathroom.

Nicky heard the taps running and waited patiently whilst he had a bath, although she was surprised to see him walking back into the living room so soon.

"Ready?" House said quietly as he reached out his hand. She took it and followed him into the bathroom. She was amazed at what she saw.

There must have been at least fifty or so candles lighting up the room, they were on every available surface and the aroma was heavenly. The bath was filled and the bubbles never looked so inviting.

"It's beautiful," she breathed.

He gently undressed her, then took off her dressing. "It's healing nicely," he said quietly, "it'll be okay to get it wet."

He looked deep into her eyes and saw total trust in them, his heart did a somersault and he heard rather than felt himself take a gasp of air.

"Are you okay?" Nicky asked, she frowned in concern.

"I'm fine," House replied, still surprised. "I wish I could take you in my arms and lower you in," he added regrettably.

She smiled as she stepped in and sank gratefully into the warm water.

"Is it okay?" House asked her quietly. He knew how women loved their water hotter than men did.

"It's wonderful," Nicky replied dreamily, "in fact, it's perfect, just like you." She reached up and he leaned forward so that she could touch his face. He loved the way her fingertips felt on his skin, his eyelids and even his mouth. How could anyone give someone like her up? He perched on the side of the bath so that he could get as close as he could to her and looked at her sparkling eyes, he could gaze at them all day. He loved how they changed from light to dark blue, depending on the light and her mood, he loved the little brown freckle in her left eye, but most of all, he loved the way they sparkled.

They gazed at each other for a long time, neither of them tiring of it, knowing there was no need for words, just to be in each other's company was enough. Every now and again, House would lean over and gently kiss her, she responded by running her fingers through his hair and touching him in that special place at the base of his neck that gave him shivers and made him turn to liquid.

Eventually the water started to cool and it was time to make a move. He dried every inch of her before finally pulling his robe around her which made both of them smile as it was too big by far and could almost be wrapped around her twice.

"I can smell you right through it," Nicky whispered, burying her face in the lapel and taking a deep lung full. "If I ever need to stay in hospital, I want to bring this in to me, do you understand?" She looked straight at him and he knew she meant it.

He nodded and smiled, "Of course, how can I deny you anything?" he whispered before kissing her gently. "Now come back into the living room before you get cold," he ordered her softly.

He kissed her gently once more before grabbing a quick shower himself. He'd hardly stepped in it, when he heard the bathroom door open quietly. He felt, rather than saw Nicky step into the shower, her hands gently touching his shoulders, making him turn around to face her. He smiled and let his hands roam over her body and she copied him. She gently took the soap and washed his entire body, he suddenly realised that with her, he hadn't once flinched when she looked or touched his leg, not even from the start.

They were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.

"Food," House said. Nicky smiled at the sound of regret in his voice. "Coming!" he yelled as he hurriedly turned the shower off.

Nicky waited for him to get out first, the last thing she wanted was for them to collide and for him to slip. He pulled on another robe and hurriedly went to answer the door.

She tidied up the bathroom quickly before wandering out, towel drying her hair as she did so. House was arranging their food on plates.

"Perfect timing, huh?" he said rolling his eyes, indicating that he meant the delivery guy and not her.

"Well, there's plenty of time to take more showers," Nicky replied, walking over and giving his head a towel rub too. "Why don't we eat these over there?" Nicky added, indicating to the sofa.

"Good idea," House agreed, grinning. "I'm so glad you're not one of those stiff upper class Brits who feel the need to eat at the table all the time."

Nicky laughed and carried the plates over to the coffee table, as they sat down she said, "I'm not English, you know."

House looked at her puzzled.

"I'm actually Welsh and as down to earth as they come," she said, her eyes had that devilish glint to them.

"So I see," House replied recovering quickly. "Wanna watch some t.v.?"

"Love to."

They were lucky enough to catch the beginning of a good film and settled down to eat, not worrying about making small talk. Nicky ate a couple of mouthfuls and set her plate down.

"I can't eat any more, I'm sorry," she said apologetically.

House smiled, but wished she'd managed a bit more.

When he'd had enough he pulled her closer and stroked her hair idly whilst they watched the film, slowly she turned to face him and whispered, "This is the best date I've ever been on." She reached up and kissed him tenderly and he wrapped his arms around her tighter and sighed, life didn't get any better than this.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 

For the next two weeks, Nicky felt better with each day, she worked longer hours and Wilson was pleased to see that she had her appetite back. She needed to keep her strength up. She'd told him all about the date and was amazed at this side to House that was totally alien to him. He was usually too bitter and twisted for words, yet Nicky was talking about this gentle, sensitive individual and Wilson just couldn't connect it as the same person.

All too soon, Nicky had her second chemo session and House came with her this time. He told his team to contact Cuddy if there were any problems.

They walked over to the Oncology Reception and booked in.

"Dr House," the Receptionist said, a little taken aback, "what are you doing here? I'm not aware of any patients that need your attention." She flipped through her register totally flustered by his presence. His reputation obviously went before him and Nicky couldn't help but smile.

"Relax," Nicky said, as she put her hand over the Receptionist's to stop her flipping through her books, "he's with me."

"Oh," the Receptionist said, still puzzled.

"As her boyfriend," House rolled his eyes at her and grinned wickedly as if to say, I was dragged here.

The Receptionist's jaw dropped and Nicky shot him a quick warning glance, willing him not to say anything sarcastic about it.

Dr Wilson walked through at that point and smiled at them both. "Hey, Nicky, all set?"

"Yeah," Nicky replied, smiling.

"Hopefully this one won't be as long as last time," he said, putting his arm around her shoulder and leading her into the clinic and House followed behind. He led them into a room and Nicky hopped onto the bed while House sat down in the chair next to her, looking more nervous than she did.

"It's different when it's someone you know, isn't it?" Nicky said, picking up on his anxiety.

He nodded, "And love." He took her hand his and kissed it gently.

She smiled softly. "You don't have to be here, you know, Greg."

"I know," House replied, kissing her hand once more indicating that he wanted to be here with her.

They were interrupted by a large, homely looking nurse coming bustling in pushing a small surgical trolley in front of her, "Alrighty, and who do we have here?" she said cheerfully.

She picked up Nicky's notes and smiled before going through the procedure of asking her name, address and date of birth. Then she turned to House. "Not here in a professional capacity, I hope, Dr House?" She was the type who took no nonsense and spoke as she found. Nicky liked her already.

"Um, no, actually," House said taken aback.

"Good," she said cheerily, then turned to Nicky and added, "wouldn't want him cluttering up my ward with infectious diseases now would we?" She winked at her and started preparing the treatment.

Nicky grinned at House who looked astounded.

"I'm Susan by the way and I'm going to be your Primary Nurse throughout your treatment here, alrighty, sweetie? Any questions, problems or otherwise, you can come and see me at any time, I'll give you my number later."

Nicky nodded and Susan gave her hand a gentle squeeze and winked again.

"Sharp scratch," Susan said as she inserted the needle. She worked nimbly and soon the drip was flowing into Nicky's veins. "I'll leave you to it for a moment or two," she added looking at House and then back to Nicky.

"So that's that," Nicky said, "it's quite boring really."

House smiled at her, he loved how she just accepted things and took it all in her stride.

"Greg," she said quietly, "I've started keeping a diary of all this again, it's just my feelings, dates of treatments and stuff." She looked down at the sheet and picked off a piece of imaginary fluff, "if anything happens, I want you to do something with it, I don't know what, maybe you can donate it to the clinic or something, or you can keep it to yourself, I don't know." When she looked at him he saw tears in her eyes. He realised that everything was a front, she was terrified underneath.

He squeezed her hand, there were tears in his eyes too. "Why don't we do a joint diary? Then we can donate it when you've beaten it?" There was no way she was going to die from this he wouldn't let her. "All these photos I've been taking lately, they were for you to look back on when times got rough, but I think we could put them in the diary too."

"But you haven't shown them to me yet," Nicky whispered, her voice was thick with unspent tears.

"I've got them safe, trust me."

"You need to take photos of the bad times too, otherwise it won't be accurate," Nicky said finally.

Susan bustled in again, breaking the spell and they both self-consciously wiped their eyes. "Sounds like there's been some deep conversation going on in here, am I right?" she said, her voice seeming to fill the once quiet room.

Nicky nodded and smiled weakly.

"Well, this is where all the important stuff usually gets said you know, sweetie," Susan said, grabbing a chair and pulled it over to the bed and plonked herself down on it. "Forget all the day to day crap, this is where it counts most," she added as she prodded the bed. "The real heart wrenching or stopping stuff."

Wilson was waiting for them in his office when Nicky's treatment was finished and he noticed that she looked like a ghost, in fact they both looked like they'd been through the wringer.

"How was it?" Wilson asked.

"Okay," Nicky replied quietly. "It's funny, but I just want to sleep this time."

"It's the chemo starting to take effect now," Wilson said gently, "Why don't you stay here and Greg can go and fetch your script?"

"No, it's okay, I'll grab it on the way out and go straight home," Nicky said, looking at House. He noticed that the sparkle had gone.

She got up and staggered rather than walked a couple of steps, before everything went black.

When she came around, she was lying on a bed in one of the Oncology rooms. House was gently stroking her forehead, his face close to hers and the first thing she saw was his lovely blue eyes.

"What happened?" she whispered.

"You fainted," he replied gently, "James wants to keep you in overnight, just to be safe." He handed her some water, which she sipped gratefully, trying to stop the wave of nausea that threatened to envelop her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," she smiled weakly. "Just tired."

"I'll leave to you get some rest and come back later then," House said gently. She could see he didn't want to tear himself away, but she knew he had work to do, he'd been away far too long as it was.

Wilson stepped forward, she hadn't realised he was in the room too, "Just get some rest," he said quietly, "you're in good hands with us."

Nicky was too tired to argue, she felt sick and her whole body ached. House stood at her window for several moments watching her sleep before Wilson finally dragged him away and sent him off towards his office.

House found it hard to concentrate, his thoughts kept drifting back to the morning's events. They had really talked, but didn't they always? There was none of this pussyfooting around each other, they said it like it was and it was so refreshing. He hated all the guesswork that went with getting to know someone. No, she knew what she wanted and gave it straight and she expected the same back, please or offend, he'd learned that quickly.

He shut himself in his office and pondered. He felt unsettled and turned his c.d. player on. He'd bought the track that they had danced to, that time when it all started, and the music brought a smile to his face. His team barging into his office interrupted his thoughts, he watched as they threw their notes down on the table, and waited in anticipation for him to walk in. Obviously something was up. He snapped the c.d. off and sighed before grabbing his cane and obliging them with his company.

House listened as they reeled of a set of new symptoms one of his patients had developed and he wrote them on the board, interacting with them when it was necessary. He ordered more tests to be done and Foreman and Chase headed back out of the door, Cameron stayed behind.

"How's Nicky?" she asked hesitantly.

"She collapsed in Dr Wilson's office," he replied, then regretted saying it.

"Is she alright?" Cameron asked a little alarmed.

"Wilson is keeping her in overnight, but she should be fine."

"Why don't you come over to my place tonight?" she asked, "I could cook you dinner and we could talk."

House looked at her as if she was deranged. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Because it might help you to relax," Cameron said timidly.

"But I don't need to relax," House replied. "Now is there anything else?" He was getting bored with her now, he knew she liked him a lot, but she just couldn't see that he didn't and never would. He stared at her and she dropped her eyes first, she walked quickly out of the door and off down the corridor to catch up with Foreman and Chase.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 

At the end of the day, he walked to his ward to let his team know that he was knocking off for the day and to bleep him if it was an emergency, then wandered off to Oncology to see Nicky.

He stood the door and watched her sleeping, she looked a lot better already. She had and IV. drip in her arm and noticed she was hooked up to a heart monitor. Dr Wilson was taking no chances, he smiled to himself. He stared at the steady rhythm of her heartbeat on the monitor and could see she was resting peacefully.

He jumped as Cameron's voice broke into his thoughts. "Is she okay?"

He rolled his eyes at her, "Yeah. Anything the matter?"

She shook her head and continued to look at Nicky.

"Well, what are you doing here then?"

"I brought you this." She handed him a large cup of coffee, "I thought you could use it."

He was thrown but thanked her, gratefully taking and sipping it appreciatively.

"Dr House, can I ask you something?" Cameron said quietly.

He nodded, although he was wary of what was coming next.

"What is it about Nicky that attracted you to her?"

He rolled his eyes, this again, he thought.

"Just look at her," House said, his middle finger pointing to Nicky the rest of them still wrapped around the coffee cup. "She's beautiful, smart, intelligent, lovely…" He was smiling as he thought of all the words that would fit her description right now.

But Cameron cut him off, "Alright, I get it," she said, "but she's disfigured, how can she be beautiful?"

"In what way is she disfigured, Cameron?" House said, his anger rising.

"Well," she stammered, "she's had surgery and no reconstruction afterwards, so it can't be pretty."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that beauty came from within?" House snapped. "Anyway, how do you know that? You must have pulled her records."

She had the decency to look ashamed.

"You think that because you're pretty, I should fall for someone like you, is that it?" House said. Cameron's eyes flew up to his as she waited for him to go on. "It's never going to happen, sweetheart, Nicky is and always will be the woman that I want. You don't even come close."

"Is it because you're both damaged?" Cameron insisted.

House laughed sardonically, "No. That's just a coincidence, and anyway, Nicky's not damaged."

He noticed that Nicky was stirring, he handed the coffee back to Cameron and opened the door quickly, striding over to her and leaving Cameron to it.

He touched Nicky's hair and gently kissed her forehead, "Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," Nicky said quietly, "how about a hug?"

He collapsed the side rails and climbed onto the bed then took her in his arms and held her close, all the time they were watched by Cameron as tears filled her eyes.

"It's dark," Nicky said looking over to the window.

"Yeah, and it's raining too," House replied.

"Can you open the blinds so I can watch the rain?" Nicky asked.

He smiled and opened the blinds, as he walked back over to the bed, he caught sight of Cameron ducking behind a pillar. If that's how she gets her kicks, let her torture herself he thought. He climbed back on the bed and settled Nicky in his arms once more.

"I've always loved watching the rain," Nicky said dreamily. "I think I'll write that in the diary, what do you think?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea," House said quietly as he kissed the top of her head for what must have been the twentieth time already.

True to Dr Wilson's word, Nicky was discharged the next day, he even took her home.

"So this is your place," he said looking around as he shut the door behind him.

"Coffee?" Nicky asked.

"I'd love some," Wilson replied, parking himself on her sofa.

She handed him the coffee and looked at him expectantly, she knew he had something on his mind.

Wilson knew he was rumbled and smiled at her knowingly.

"Spit it out, James," she said breaking into a smile.

He sipped his coffee, biding for time for a moment. "It's you and Greg," he started.

"And?"

"Well, he had his heart broken once and I don't know how he'd cope if it happened again."

"Are you saying I should stop seeing him in case I break his heart?" Nicky said incredulously. "Because if you are, you'd better leave right now. I don't have the energy for this, you of all people should know that."

"No, I'm not saying that at all," Wilson said backing off slightly. "All I'm saying is be gentle with him, he's still bitter, if that's the right word."

"He's a grown up, for God's sake," Nicky said, "he wants to take a chance with me, and I want the same." She sipped her tea for a moment, the smell of coffee turned her stomach right now, then added, "We've both been hurt in the past, but we've moved on now. I was terrified that this was going to end up the same way as the last time, but Greg is different, he's seen the scar, he knows what's ahead and he's living it with me, it's what he wants.

"You don't know what it's like living with cancer, James, you may treat it day in and day out, but you haven't actually lived with it or someone who has it, have you?" He shook his head and she carried on, "It's terrifying, I know I could be dying and I'm literally fighting for my life every single day. Then Greg came along, the timing couldn't have been more perfect," she smiled ironically, "and then I was frightened of letting go, getting in too deep, even getting hurt and yes, hurting him. I'm terrified of dying even more now, because I don't want to leave him, I want to spend every moment with him."

The tears flowed down her cheeks unchecked and Wilson's heart went out to her. He was shaken although he'd heard it all before, he'd never from someone he cared about, and he realised right now, that he really cared about Nicky and what she was going through. She was scared, but also in love, he could see it.

"And I'm going to my hardest to make that happen for you, Nicky," Wilson said gently. He hugged her tightly and she sighed, sounding relieved.

"Look, I've got something for you to read," Nicky said quietly. She got up and took a thick journal and a smaller one out of a drawer. "They are diaries of what it was like last time." She handed it to him and he took it like it was going to disintegrate at his touch. "It's all in there, what I felt like when I was first diagnosed, right up until I beat it. My ex husband kept one too," she said pointing to the smaller one, "well up until the time we split up. It's sometimes not pretty, but it as good as covers everything."

He opened hers and turned a couple of pages, snatching a couple of lines here and there and felt a need to read it all in one go. When he dragged his eyes away, she was looking at him expectantly, but he didn't know what to say.

Eventually he said, "I've got to go."

She knew that within the hour, he'd be locked away in his office reading just how raw emotions ran when a cancer sufferer was having treatment and how hard it really was for those closest.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 

House called to see Nicky on his way home from work, he'd been looking forward to seeing her all day. He'd badgered Wilson with a barrage of questions as soon as he came back from Nicky's apartment and was surprised when all he would say was, "Take care of her, because if you don't I'm coming after you."

"Hey," he said softly, "did I wake you?" It was so obvious he did, she looked tired and beat.

Nicky nodded and smiled wearily, but he could see she was happy to see him.

"I should go," House said reluctantly.

"No, don't do that," Nicky grabbed him and pulled him in to her apartment, "I've missed you."

He kissed her softly and couldn't help smiling. He was aware that he did that more and more these days, she'd really gotten to him.

"I've got something for you," she smiled, breaking away. She handed him a set of keys, "my spare apartment keys," she added quietly.

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" House asked quietly. He realised that he was not adverse to the idea either.

"All I'm asking you is to have my apartment keys," Nicky said simply.

He was thrown a little and it showed on his face. Nicky smiled and touched his face lightly. "Greg, don't look too deeply into this, I'm simply giving you my spare set of keys. You can stay over, hang out or whatever, they are just a set of keys, no strings attached, see?" she was smiling at him and he couldn't help but smile back. She'd left it open for him to decide, she wasn't pressurising him into anything, she just wanted him to have a set of keys, nothing more.

The next morning, after House left early to go home to freshen up before work, Nicky felt a little less tired and took a shower. Her head hurt and she thought a refreshing shower would make her feel a little better.

As she rubbed the shampoo through her hair, strands were knotting around her fingers and staying there. Tears rolled down her face as she realised that her hair was starting to fall out.

She quickly threw on a robe and sat on the sofa in stunned silence, too afraid to run a brush through her hair yet feeling compelled to do so, wanting to know just how much was left. She stopped after the brush started getting matted and wept like a baby.

Time had no meaning to her when she didn't have a schedule to keep, she learned from the last time that if she wanted to sleep, she slept, if she wanted to eat, even if it was three in the morning, she ate, if she wanted to go for a walk, she'd just go. She wandered over to the window and opened it wide, watching the rain falling heavily, letting it splash against her face. She loved to sit at this sofa, it was the whole reason she'd bought this flat, it had long windows that let in lots of light. She'd found the perfect sofa to place in front of this one and she'd sit and stare outside for ages. She let her thoughts drift back to the first time her hair fell out, the horror on Michael's face, although he'd tried so hard to hide it. She couldn't help but compare how differently Michael and Greg had reacted when they saw the scar and she wondered how Greg would be when he saw her next.

It was around lunch time when her phone rang shrilly into her thoughts, she realised that she'd been sitting at her window for over two hours.

"Hey," House said, "it's raining."

"I know, I've been watching it for ages," Nicky replied.

"You sound down, are you okay?" House asked softly.

"I'm fine," Nicky replied, but her voice was thick with tears and it betrayed her. "I'm just tired."

"No, it's not just that," House said, "I'm coming over."

"No, there's no need to, Greg," Nicky panicked. She heard his beeper go off and said something inaudible under his breath.

"I've got to go, damn patients," he muttered. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine, go and save some lives or something," Nicky said, perking up slightly.

"Alright," House sighed, giving in, "I'll see you later."

He must have left early because Nicky heard a key being hurriedly shoved into the lock and the thud of his stick move rhythmically across the floor as he walked in. She was lying on the bed, she'd wrapped a bandanna around her head and felt utterly miserable.

"Hey," House said softly as he leaned against the door frame to her bedroom.

"Hey back," Nicky said, although she didn't move, she was curled up, her arms tucked into her body and her legs pulled in tight. She was, in effect, shutting the world out.

A tear escaped and trickled down her face and he noticed that her pillow was already wet.

House walked over, sat down on the bed, and ran his fingers lightly over her face, "What is it?" he coaxed gently.

Before she answered she uncurled herself and pulled him towards her and held him as tight as she could.

"Hey," he said gently, "it's alright, it's alright." He rocked her gently as he took her in his arms. He'd never felt so wanted in all his life and it overwhelmed him, he loved the way she made him feel, he wanted to protect her and love her with all his heart and that was the way he was heading.

He let her come around in her own time, eventually she pulled away and looked at him squarely.

"It's falling out," she said simply. He noticed that she looked defeated, he knew she was under no illusion that this would probably happen, but he realised that it was his love she needed now, not pity. She'd get enough of that walking around from now on, her condition blatantly obvious to those around her.

He gently slid the bandanna off with infinite gentleness, he knew that it hurt when hair started falling out. He let his eyes roam over her head before kissing the top of it gently, moving down to her forehead and eventually tilting her head up so that he could kiss her lips.

"You're still beautiful," he whispered as his hand stroked her hair soothingly. He pulled her in close and rocked her again.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 

The next morning, Nicky had an appointment with Wilson. He wanted to run some tests to update her records and to give her a general check up. She walked into the Hospital with House, she felt self-conscious, and it was so obvious that her hair was falling out, she knew she looked ill.

House's team was waiting for him as usual and he felt her falter when they got close to his office.

"It'll be okay," he said gently. He held her hand, entwining his long fingers in hers and drew a little closer to her.

"Hold on," Nicky said, pulling him to a stop, "is my bandanna okay?"

He noticed that she looked terrified and he hoped that the change in her appearance wouldn't show on his team's faces.

"It looks fine," House replied warmly, "and no, I'm not just saying that either," he added grinning.

She smiled, he knew that she totally trusted him and it gave him a good feeling inside.

They walked into the office, united. Nicky was still smiling and she seemed to light up the room when she walked in. The first to hug her was, of course, Chase, they'd always been close, then Foreman, in his awkward way gave her a bear hug and nearly crushed her.

"You're looking great," Foreman said.

"Thanks for lying so convincingly, Foreman," Nicky said grinning.

"Hi, how are you feeling," Cameron said, a little stifled.

Nicky had never really understood why Cameron was cool around her. "I'm doing okay, thanks," she replied warmly.

House stiffened but Nicky didn't notice.

"So what are you doing here?" Chase said, leading her to the table and holding out a chair for her to sit down.

"Check up," she replied.

"When are we gonna meet for lunch," Chase suddenly said, "we haven't done that in ages."

"Soon," Nicky said, vaguely, "let me get an appetite first, then I'll give you a run for your money." She grinned at him and House noticed that they genuinely got on, he wasn't just being nice.

"So, people, what have we got?" House said, getting down to business.

Nicky sat there and listened to all the bantering back and forth, symptoms were thrown around the room, left, right and centre. Diagnosis's were made and then discarded with a furrow of brows, in the end it made her head spin. Eventually House reeled off a number of tests he wanted done and sent them on their way.

"I'm worn out just watching you," Nicky said in awe.

"I just wanted to impress you, that's all," House replied, grinning boyishly. "Come on, let's go and see Dr Wilson."

They arrived at Dr Wilson's office and Susan was there to greet them.

"Hi, my name is Susan and I'm your Oncology Nurse today," she grinned at them jovially.

Nicky smiled back and looked at House and shook her head. He could see that she'd really warmed to her and that was good.

"Just going to take some blood from you and then you need to see Dr Wilson," Susan said, ushering her through the department. "Dr House, you can stay here," she ordered.

"Wow, you don't take any prisoners, do you?" Nicky said.

"Nope, I'm not under him, thank God," she said, "So I don't have to take any crap from him either."

"I get the feeling you don't like him," Nicky said.

"It's not that, sweetie," Susan replied, "he's just not that easy to get on with, so I'm not giving him the satisfaction of ordering me around. Sort of getting in first," she added theatrically.

As she busied herself taking Nicky's bloods, she asked lightly, "So what's the deal with you two anyway?"

"Well, I started working for him, and you're right, he was awful," Nicky smiled, "then we sort of came to an understanding, and now we're, um, together." She looked down, a little embarrassed.

"You're in love with him," Susan said almost dreamily.

Nicky thought for a moment, "Yeah, I suppose I am."

By the time she walked back into the waiting room, she was grinning from ear to ear. Dr Wilson was sitting next to House and they were talking, although she could tell it wasn't about her and she felt relieved.

"All done?" Wilson asked getting up.

Nicky nodded and followed him through to have an ultrasound. She smiled reassuringly at House and he looked slightly perplexed.

She slipped her blouse off and lay on the bed, and Wilson got to work. She put her arm over her head and looked away from the monitor. House's hand gently took hers and she smiled falteringly. She hated these exams, they went one way or another and it was still too fresh from the last time when the doctor told her that the chemo wasn't having any affect on the cancer. Within a week she had her breast off.

Both doctors picked up on her anxiety, realising that she'd done it all before. House prayed that Wilson would say that the treatment was working this time, but Wilson wasn't rushing. He was stopping the machine here and there, taking measurements and running the probe over her skin once more, then he'd do it all over yet again. He was thorough and leaving nothing to chance. Eventually, he was done.

"Well as you know, it was quite aggressive but we've caught it early," Wilson said, settling down in his office, "nothing's got smaller, but the cancer hasn't spread anymore either, so it's good news." He noticed that she was still expressionless, waiting to hear it all before she could breathe a sigh of relief. "It looks like we'll still have to do some surgery, but not like the last time." House took her hand in his and smiled softly at her. "If you continue like you are, we can schedule it in a couple of months, how does that sound?" He smiled what he hoped was reassuringly at her.

"It sounds good," she said quietly, but he could see that she was sick with worry still.

"It'll be okay," Wilson said, "we'll look after you, I promise."

Nicky stood up suddenly indicating that the consultation was over and it took them both by surprise. House could see that she'd had enough and needed to go.

"Nicky, before you go," Wilson said, "can I have a word with you?" He looked at House, then added, "In private."

Nicky glanced at House too, "Sure," she said quietly. "I'll meet you outside, Greg."

They waited until he shut the door. "I've read your journals," Wilson started.

Nicky nodded impassively.

"I'm doing an Oncology Seminar next week and I wondered if I could use what you've given me?" he asked. "I want to highlight the roller coaster of emotions that a patient has to go through. How do you feel about that?"

She thought for a moment, then said, "Do you want to use the both of them?"

He nodded, puzzled for a moment.

"Then I'll have to get Michael's permission," she said.

"I'll do that," Wilson said gently.

But Nicky shook her head, "No, I'll do it, it'll be better coming from me. When's the seminar?"

"Friday."

"Okay, leave it to me."

She walked back out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. House was sitting in the waiting room, bouncing his stick against the floor. He got up when he saw her and looked at her questioningly.

"If I've told him before, I've told him a hundred times, I don't want to date him," Nicky said jovially, "I'm with you now and he'll just have to accept it."

His face broke into a grin and he put his arm around her before they walked back up to the corridor towards his office.

That evening, House took Nicky out for a spin in the car, the rain had stopped and everything smelled fresh and sweet. They walked leisurely along the river and talked some nonsense.

Eventually, Nicky pulled him to a stop. "Greg, about earlier, when James kept me behind," she said a little hesitatingly. "He wants to use my journals at his Oncology Seminar next week."

House looked thoughtful and waited for her to go on.

"I gave them to him when he brought me home after my chemo session last week. We talked about some things and I gave him the journals to read. I thought he could see cancer from another point of view, although he's probably read hundreds of them by now."

He smiled but still said nothing and Nicky realised he knew what was coming next.

She sighed before carrying on, she had to see it through now. "I'm going to call Michael and ask if he'll see me."

"See you?" House exploded, "He'd have a damn cheek to come all high and mighty with you, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Greg, don't start," Nicky said quietly, "I have to ask his permission, you know that."

"When are you going to call him?"

"Over the weekend perhaps," Nicky replied, "I want to get it over with."

"You've never shown any bitterness towards him," House said quietly, looking at the water.

"Oh, I get it," Nicky said shaking her head, "you think he's going to say the word and I'm going to go running back to him aren't you?"

He didn't say anything, just carried on brooding at the water.

"Believe me, he's the last person I'd want to turn to," Nicky said. "Besides, I don't love him and haven't for a long time. Why would I want to go back to him?"

"Familiarity, I suppose," House said quietly.

"It's not like that, Greg," Nicky tried to reassure him, "he's out of my life now, for good. Why don't you trust me anymore? Or perhaps you never quite did because I committed myself to someone before you? Is that it?" She flashed her angry eyes at him and stared at him until he dropped his eyes first. "I've had enough of this. I'm calling him and asking if James can use the journal and that's that. If you can't deal with it, then there's nowhere left for us to go."

She turned around and started walking away from him.

"Nicky," he called, "wait up will you?"

She faltered, but stopped and waited for him to catch up.

"What?" She was still angry.

He put his hand on her shoulder, "You're right, I am jealous," he said gently, "and stupid. It's just that I don't want you to see him and realise that you still have feelings for him, that's what I'm scared of."

"After what he did to me?" Nicky said calming down, "Trust me, Greg, there's nothing there. And the only reason I'm doing this is because James asked me." Then she added, "plus there's that little part inside me that knows it'll make him squirm. He'll do it because he feels guilty and he'll think that this will make it alright, but deep down we both know what he did was shameful."

She looked deep into his eyes, her hand touched his hand that was on her shoulder still, "So are we alright?"

He nodded and kissed her. "Yeah, we're alright."

They walked slowly back to the car in comfortable silence, then drove to House's place.

As he shut the door she turned and kissed him passionately, he responded and pushed her roughly against the door, his pent-up feelings surfacing, as his mouth tasted hers. His stick fell to the floor with a clatter and he let his hands roam over her body. He undid her blouse with one hand, the other reaching around the back of her neck so he could hold her close. Nicky held on to him tightly, then broke away from his kiss and gently traced her tongue along his neck, down to his Adam's apple and finally kissed his earlobe. His senses nearly exploded.

She led him into the bedroom, her intentions blatantly obvious from the wanton look in her eyes. He pulled her close and kissed her hard, but as he slid her bandanna off, he slowed down and let his fingers gently stroke her head, he looked tenderly into her eyes and he saw them sparkling once more. She'd really gotten to him, just that look was enough to make him melt.

She pulled him gently over to the bed and once Nicky knew he was comfortable she ignited their passion once more, no more softly, softly, she wanted it rough tonight and she was in control. The only time they stopped was for water and to catch their breath. Both of them had never experienced sex like it, they couldn't get enough of each other, insatiable was an understatement.


End file.
